黑料社

WASHINGTON 鈥� A young Barack Obama questioned his place in the world and his racial identity, agonized over whether he鈥檇 make enough money as a community organizer, and lamented his incompatibility with his ex-girlfriend in 30 pages of letters he wrote to her that are now being archived by Emory University in Atlanta.

The nine full letters, sent by Obama to his college girlfriend, Alexandra McNear, are being made public to researchers through Emory University鈥檚 Stuart A. Rose Manuscript, Archives and Rare Book Library. The university has had the letters since 2014 but could only make them public now, officials said.

Written in the 1980s, the letters give a peek into Obama鈥檚 psyche as he sought out the path that would eventually land him in the White House as the United States鈥� first black president, Emory University officials said Wednesday.

鈥淢y ideas aren鈥檛 as crystallized as they were while in school, but they have an immediacy and weight that may be more useful if and when I鈥檓 less observer and more participant,鈥� Obama wrote in 1984 to McNear, who was a student at a California college attended by Obama had attended before moving to Columbia.

The 鈥渧ery lyrical, very poetic鈥� letters will be useful to researchers trying to craft a picture of Obama the college student and recent graduate, Emory officials said. Parts of the letters from Obama have already appeared in books about Obama over the last few years.

鈥淭hey tell the journey of a young man who is seeking meaning and purpose in life and direction,鈥� said Rosemary Magee, the Rose Library director. Obama is 鈥渢rying to find what his distinctive place would be both in that time and going forward.鈥�

The letters span 1982 to 1984. During that time, Obama was at Columbia University in New York City, in Indonesia, and finally working at Business International Corporation, 鈥渨ith everyone slapping my back,鈥� in a job for which he had no passion.聽 Obama wrote for the newsletter Business International Money Report.

鈥淪alaries in the community organizations are too low to survive on right now, so I hope to work in some more conventional capacity for a year, allowing me to store up enough nuts to pursue those interests next,鈥� Obama wrote in 1983.

The future president鈥檚 letters were penned in a combination of careful cursive and 鈥淒ear Alex鈥� in print. He wrote them on stationery as well as ripped-out yellow and white, college-ruled notebook paper. At least one was sent in Business International Money Report envelopes with the business鈥檚 address crossed out and 鈥淏arack Obama鈥� written above it.

Emory University professor Andra Gillispie, director of Emory鈥檚 James Weldon Johnson Institute for the Study of Race and Difference, is using the letters in an upcoming book about Obama. She said the letters are not overly romantic as they span the end of the pair鈥檚 relationship.

鈥淚 think of you often, though I stay confused about my feelings,鈥� Obama wrote to McNear in 1983. 鈥淚t seems we will ever want what we cannot have; that鈥檚 what binds us; that鈥檚 what keeps us apart.鈥�

But the letters aren鈥檛 all angst, Gillispie said. Obama 鈥� 鈥渃learly a person of the mind,鈥� she said, 鈥� once ripped out a New York Times book review of Rachel M. Brownstein鈥檚 book, 鈥淏ecoming a Heroine鈥� and sent it McNear, something that amused the professor.

鈥淭his is part of his courtship strategy. Okay 鈥� Who rips out book reviews to send to their girlfriend?鈥� Gillispie laughed. 鈥淚 think it is a sign of his proto-feminism but it is -more of a 鈥榃ow, this is really cerebral relationship鈥� but I personally like the idea of a cerebral relationship. I鈥檓 a nerd too, so the nerd in me was like, 鈥楾hat was real cool.'鈥�